Mar 21, 2010

What a weekend!

The weekend is wrapping up for me so I thought now would be a nice time to have a small recap. Small? I'm too wordy for small.

I had to try and fix my DirecTv DVR for the second time. I got a new unit last week but a similar problem has been creeping in. Watching live TV is fine but when watching a recorded program it starts to skip and glitch. So using the troubleshooting tips given to me from the first time; I went at it with DVR number 2. So far so good.

Later on I get an IM from Brother Dan. We chat a bit and come to the decision that he needs to come pick me up so we can hang out before the show. We head back to his place where he beats my ass in NHL 09. Watched some The Office while we ate and then moved on to Dexter. I just recently started watching and though he would like it too. Good news, he does!

We headed out to the Loft above Barfly. We're going for the live music being performed by DigitalAlchemyEmancipator and BlueTech. They all hang around in the trip-hop, downbeat, IDM genres. I like that stuff, but never really got hard into it. Brother Dan is the driver of that bus. I'm super glad her brought me along because it was an awesome show. Digital Alchemy was hot. Emancipator was a little too downbeat for me. But BlueTech proved why he was the headliner. Sorry but I'm not a great music reviewer so that's the best you're going to get from me. I also saw my friend Paul (DJ Blaze One) so we chatted with him for a while. Got home around 2:30a. That's a good night time if I've ever heard of one.

Sunday morning brought us some delicious McDonalds breakfast. Mmmmmm...fats. Brother Dan came over again, but this time for H. She thinks he looks like Dexter and wanted to photograph him as such. As that was going on I was working on my KMFDM mix. I finally got it done!

Now I'm sitting here writing up my blog and not doing a thing about my hunger. Also got one eye on C-SPAN for the whole health care thing. Other eye on Cops.

Mar 17, 2010

I love my Target, I hate my Target.

Target had its big semi-annual meeting yesterday and I was among the 300 or so “honored guests.” Really, I was part of a project team that got noticed by the upper management so I got to tag along to the meeting. Normally people on the bottom rung of the company don’t get to go. It’s a pretty big deal. They brought in some big names for the entertainment and a couple of other celebrities just say a few words. 3 cheers for big money and contracts!


But the sad thing is I’ve been to meetings like this before and it does the same thing to my every time. The purpose of the meeting is to recap the past performance of our company, look ahead and see when we have planned for the future, and a whole bunch of rah-rah-rah. This is where they get me. They do such a good job of building up the brand that I start to believe that I too can be one of these people. That I’m a mover and shaker that’s just stuck in a grunts body. I leave with this sadness that I will never be what I truly want to be. I want to be able to walk down a store isle and tell somebody that “I made that happen.” Or when I tell my parents about the new rewards program the pharmacy has I can say, I did that. But that will never, ever happen. And I know why. I don’t have a piece of paper that says I’m qualified when in most accounts, I can do the job just as good and anybody else. You can’t put life experiences down on paper. And that’s happened to me. No more than six months ago I was looking at this job, but the HR rep said even though I know you can do the job, you don’t have a two-year degree. I mean I do, I have two even. Just not the right two. I guess it’s not fair to the people who did go to school; but this is MY blog and I don’t have to take that into consideration.


Just like every other meeting, the feeling goes away and I’m back to being happy doing whatever I have to do to get a paycheck. Quicker than usual this time. Maybe because I’m back on the project team for round two and I really like what I’m doing. Even though this will never been seen by anybody outside of Target, it’s fun.


In some weird way this has really started to motivate me and my DJ’ing. With that, I control the message, the output. I can take what I do, and tell people that I did that. Even though most people still don’t fully understand what I’m doing yet.

Posted via email from You Call This Interesting?

Mar 6, 2010

For my Grandma

Potthoff, Bonnie J. Age 81, of Circle Pines, on March 2, 2010. Preceded in death by son, Thomas; grandson, Scott. Survived by husband, Kenneth; children, Michael (Cathryn), Peggy Jean Morgen (Mike Shands), Robert (Patty) McArdle; many grandchildren and great grandchildren; sisters, Nancy (Bud) Davis, Mary Taylor; countless other family and friends.

With all said and done, I will always be so proud of you. You have made me the person I am today. I will miss you my love. Until we meet again. Love, Peggy Jean.


This was the obituary and one of many comments left on online version of our major newspaper. The comment is from my mother, but could easily be from me, since it is very true for myself too. I have since left my own.

For me it started on February 17. I was in a meeting at work when I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket. Thinking it was just my wife calling on her break or something I didn't think much of it. Turns out it was a text from her telling me to call my mom A.S.A.P. Not sure why she called my wife to get me, she has my number. I called my mom and she tells me that Grandma is in the hospital. That right there isn't anything too alarming, she's 81 years old and isn't a stranger to the place. But then she told me that the doctors are giving her a week or two to live. I was o.k. with that, I thought. About ten minutes after I hung up it hit me. I'm going to be losing my grandmother soon. I thought I could keep it together but I just broke down right there at work. I was able to find a quite place to hang out and let the tears run wild.

After that I was able to keep it together. I keep in daily contact with my mom, getting updates on Grandma, and Grandpa too. It was just a few days later that it was decided that he needed to be placed in a nursing home. Not long after that Grandma was moved into hospice care.

On February 27th or 28th my mom told me that it won't be long and asked if I wanted to be called when the hospice people knew she only had a very short time left. I said no, just let me know when she has passed in the morning. Well, nobody got that call, she went too fast. 

She passed away on Tuesday, March 2nd at 8:25a. I got the email at work from my brother. I took it better than I though. Mostly because I was ready for it. I still choked up a bit, but was able to continue on with my work day. I took the rest of the week off so I could ready myself for the memorial service and funeral.

Her funeral was yesterday, March 5th. It was a nice service. Her son Mike (my uncle) did most of the talking. Well him, and the pastor. I learned things about Grandma that I never knew. I did my best to keep the tears away because I knew if I let one slip, I wouldn't be able to stop. So when the sadness crept in I started to sing songs in my head. But when I saw the casket being rolled away, and my brother leave with the other pallbearers is when I knew it was really over. I had a wet face from that time until I made it outside. I was happy to see a full church. I was in the front row so I hadn't realized just how many people had come. 

I'm still not sure how much Grandpa knows. He kind of slips in and out. As my mom said; "He may know that Grandma passed away today,but not tomorrow." I still can't get a good read on my mother. She spent most of the day helping with Grandpa. I spoke to her last night and she told me it really hasn't sunk in yet. This must be so hard for her. I can't imagine what I'm going to be like when she goes. But it's o.k. We made a deal that she's never going to die so I'm safe from that.

I have had my chance to cry. The left eye for happiness, the right eye for sorrow. I'm glad that she's no longer in pain. She has been battling various illnesses ever since I can remember, but she never let that stop her from doing anything she put her mind too. I will greatly miss the great times I shared with her. From camping and canoeing with her, my mom and brother to all the Christmas's we had. I will remember all the cookies she pulled from behind my ear (cute magic trick she knew) and the wonderful goodies she would prepare for the holidays.

Saying goodbye is so fucking hard, but I don't regret not visiting her in her last days. I needed a healthy last image to remember, not sick, hospital Grandma. I spent a little time with her this last Christmas. She was in pants! I think I've only seen that once before as she lived most of her time in a dress. I wish I could have stayed longer but I had a wife stricken with H1N1 I wanted to tend too. Because really, you never think your last visit will be your last visit.

I'm still deeply sad, but I'm looking forward to getting back to work. I need normalcy to kick in. My wife H has been great. I know she's sad too, but she's doing a great job trying to keep my spirits up.